Saturday, March 25, 2017

I woke up this morning with a sense of peace

and I was not as sad.  Actually excited about the day.  I am going out to Cracker Barrel with my sister and then I have a date with my husband.

It occurred to me, that even though my life hurts right now...I still wouldn't want to be anybody else's life that I know...even those people who still have their mother's on this earth with them.

My mom is one of the greatest, and I would rather have had her for 42 years than someone else's mom for 60 or 70.

I have dreams again, like I did when I was younger.

It is weird and crazy, but my mother's death taught me that anything is possible.  I would have never imagined my mother dying on March 14th, three hours into my 42nd year.  I could not have seen it.  It seems unreal that I went to my mother's funeral, and I spoke.  It is unreal that I am here, and she is not.  These things don't happen to me; these things happen to other people.  I am the one who sends condolences, not he one who receives them.

But on the flip of that if I am now other people, and other people travel the world, and other people write books, and other people have successful businesses.  Then aren't these things possible.

I never imagined myself still standing after such a tremendous loss.  I thought I would be in an insane asylum.  BUT by the GRACE of GOD, I am still here.  I am still working, breathing, eating, living.

And maybe it is true, that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I won't to live my life so that no matter what happens, I don't feel cheated.

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